unsure but excited

Change is inevitable... I finally have to live up to my Little Miss Sunshine optimism in my own life. That things will work out and that I will be fine in one month. That I am on to new adventures and have successfully completed my first "adult" year. That I will be ok moving somewhere, anywhere, with everything up in the air...
Waiting and hoping for London has turned into anxiety and pragmatism. I have not yet been placed yet. I am sad, but more embarrassed... the feeling of failure is upon me. It's been awhile, but it's back. Hello again. Please go away.
Living in Ohio will become literally impossible after August 12th, so I am moving on that day. (It's a long story but there are no sublets, no short term leases, no extended stay hotels... it's ridiculous.) I have been looking at jobs in Boston, DC, NYC, and Chicago... I am excited for change but am plagued by this feeling of sadness. There is probably no London for me. And I was so looking forward to a new job, living in London, traveling Europe, making new friends, doing something that I saw as important in my life, which is something that's been missing for the past year in Ohio.
It has struck me that I can do these things, just not in the way I had envisioned them. I can recruit some girls to travel Europe with me this fall if I find myself unemployed... I can find a fresh job somewhere else new... I can make new friends wherever I go... And I can do something important in my life if I choose to. I can take my GRE, get my things together, and fly away to something new. I can bartend and waitress and save my money for even more traveling. I can reach into myself and pull out my resilience, my patience, and my faith. I can be thankful that I have those same qualities in my family and friends. I am lucky, and I will always know that.
Even when failure visits, I am lucky.